Actors in a play depend upon stagehands to place all the necessary props in the right places. Setting the stage in accordance with the Director’s instructions is vitally important to the success of the play. Likewise, we must prepare the setting when conflict arises between husbands and wives, in order to handle in it a biblical manner.

A wise approach to this process is for both marriage partners to commit before God and one another, to strive to keep all lines of communication between them open. Husbands and wives should draw up guidelines that will help them stay on course.

It is important to make a solid commitment to one another that no matter how heated the conflict may become, neither spouse will leave the room or clam up to begin the silent treatment. We must remember that our goal is to solve the problem and reestablish marital harmony. We never accomplish anything positive by storming out or refusing to talk.

Marriage partners should agree, if necessary, to disagree. Although we both want to reach a solution that is mutually satisfying and acceptable, situations will occur wherein we perceive an issue from two very differing points of view. There is wisdom in the adage, “When two people in a marriage agree on everything, one of them isn’t necessary.” Both opinions are valid. God’s Word teaches us that love has good manners. We ought to hear each other out courteously, with an open mind and an open heart.

Husbands and wives should never argue in front of other people. Family members and friends feel awkward and uncomfortable when they are drawn into our bickering and disagreements. Young children do not have the emotional maturity to handle hearing their parents air their conflicts. They feel insecure and fearful when they are forced to be unwilling witnesses to their parents’ disagreements.

Finally, God commands us to deal with conflicts on the same day that they occur. Both spouses should agree upon the meeting, and the time should be as soon as possible. The writer of Ephesians 4:26 instructs us,

In your anger, do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.

Sometimes it feels great to pout and wallow in the mire of self-pity. We tell ourselves,

I need a little time to nurse my wounds. Then I’ll make it right.

When we ignore God’s command to reconcile quickly, bitterness and resentment creep into the marriage relationship. We, thereby, give the Enemy of our faith undue opportunity to steal and destroy.

God reminds us in Psalm 103:14 that He knows how we are formed. He remembers that we are dust. We must be determined, by His grace, not to let the dust settle before we set the stage for working out a biblical solution to our marital disharmony.

• Don’t Sweep Your Problems Under the Rug!
  Do you ever use the “Silent Treatment” to punish your spouse when you are angry?
• Attack the Problem, Not Each Other
  Acquire specific ways to focus on your marriage problems instead of on your mate’s shortcomings.